When Time and Confusion Collide...

Well here I am... 42 days from graduation. And what I've noticed is that college is a time FULL of expectations and pressures. When I go home on breaks there are always three questions that are asked: 1. How are classes going? 2. What do you want to do after you graduate? And my personal favorite... 3. Do you have a boyfriend? Oh how I love this question, along with its consistency. But to be honest, time and time again of answering "No" to this question brings about a lot of questions and insecurities.

After being single for almost six years, thoughts of inadequacy start to creep in. I start to figure, "If no one wants to be with me, this must mean something is wrong with me." While I know this isn't true, I can't help but feel this way from time to time. But I don't write this to throw a pity party, I write this to speak truth into all of the lives that I know have felt the same at one point or another. God calls us to a lifestyle and perspective much bigger than this. There are a few things I want to clear up.

1. Graduating from a Christian College single does NOT mean there is something wrong with you (although "ring by spring or your money back" would get rid of a lot of my loan debt). It just means you have to be a little more patient, or a lot more patient. There is this feeling that our chances of finding someone slim drastically after college. I would just like to say that there are a lot more Christians in the world than just your tiny community. I feel this idea seems to passively be pushed onto people. Just wanted to get it out of the way.

2. It's about more than just YOU. God's been opening my eyes to his design for this type of relationship. People want and need companionship. That's normal and healthy. But it's about more than just companionship, it's about building a life together that is free to live out our passions. It's about being with someone that will challenge you in your everyday walk with God, someone that makes you a better person, someone that makes you feel alive. This is what God designed for us, for His Body. Anberlin does a great song called, "Time and Confusion" and they put it this way...

It's not about the money we make

It's about the passions that we ache for

What makes your heart beat faster

Tell me now what does your body long after

I don't care where we live

It's not where or what, it's who we are with

I just need you in my life

Being paired with a person that compliments your personality as well as your passions is like a puzzle. And it gets crazier considering we, in our early 20s, are still trying to figure out who we want to become and what our passions are. God understands us and our needs better than we ever could. We can work in our timing, or in God's. There is so much pressure lifted from us if we choose to wait for God's timing. The truth is, if we give God the control in this area of our lives, He will work in it! Just because you might still be single doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, it just means that God is probably still creating you into the person your spouse needs you to be, or vice versa. Our God is a BIG God and understands far better than we ever could when the time is right and who the right person is. If we let Him, God could make our future relationship the way He originally created it to be.

3. You can start loving your husband/wife before you meet them. What you do now has a lasting effect on your future relationships. It makes me so sad to see people settle just because they can't play the waiting game. They give away what doesn't belong to that person. It's not their to have. This idea of patience is strong in the Bible in Song of Solomon. The woman here says multiple times, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." Love is to be waited for, pondered, and harvested at just the right time. Brooke Fraiser in "Love Is Waiting" says, "...and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start, neither should I rush my way into your heart... I'll give it time, give it space, be still for a spell. When it's time to walk that way we wanna walk it well." You can start respecting and loving your husband/wife before you even meet them by praying for them and saving everything for them, because it doesn't belong to anyone else.

I know all this is quite cheesy and mushy, but ya know... it's not like it's something we don't think about. And more importantly, I believe it's an area of our life that God cares a lot about how we live it. And as followers of Jesus, we need to set a higher standard for ourselves. So don't put yourself in the defective category if you're still single, put yourself in the "waiting for better things" category.

God is trying to teach you - Are you listening?

So I figured almost three full months of no blogging calls for a new one, yeah? Now because I am a psychology major and not a preaching/youth ministry/whatever else "Christian" major, I steer clear of cool analogies and just begin my blogs with thoughts using simple words (unlike my friend The Heff who always uses big words), so please mentally insert cool analogy and application here and I shall move on...

This last week I got to spend a week at my favorite place on Earth, no exaggeration... Winema Christian Camp. It was Christmas Camp led by some close friends and 28 high school students. With everyone there were only about 50 people at camp which is great, especially since the theme for the week was Unity and Community in the Body of Christ. I love being there for the kids to pray with them and answer whatever questions I can, but the coolest part of it all was seeing them taking what they've learned about the Body and ministering to each other. By the last day or two, I wasn't even doing much as far as leading prayers or talks, they did it on their own. By far the most rewarding part of camp this week.

There were quite a few times over that week that I thought, "Oh that's a cool concept! I should blog about that." So I figured I'd combine them all and give you just a taste of each because God was moving so much at that camp and teaching things left and right.

1. REJOICE - You hear a lot to "rejoice in the LORD" but how often do we keep ourselves from doing that? I do. A lot. Lots of times I get too caught up in the downer part of Christianity, the part where you "sit and think about what you've done" in order to repent and receive that grace. But somehow even after I ask for forgiveness, I still dwell on it. God forgives but I don't always forgive myself. And I find that this keeps me from being with God. I've convinced myself that I am not yet worthy to be in the presence of God forgetting that we don't make ourselves worthy, but God does, and He calls us to live a life worthy of the Lord (Ephesians 4). But the truth is that these things that I dwell on simply do not matter anymore, what matters is that Jesus has made it possible for me to sit back and enjoy just being, not doing anything specific, but just simply sitting back and being with the Father. It's easy to forget that sometimes God WANTS us to just stop thinking about things and sit in his lap and be with him, no strings attached. I can tell when I forget this because I find myself missing God. Sometimes I just realize, "I miss God." And I think God misses us too. So maybe sometime, take a moment to purposefully erase your mind of everything and just BE with the Father. God has already literally done everything to get you there, don't hold yourself back anymore.

2. HUMILITY - We get tricked into thinking that being humble means thinking we're crap or don't measure up to what we should be. But it doesn't mean that at all. Humility just means that we realize what is great in ourselves and we point it to God while using them for Him.

3. IDOLIZING - We do not idolize other things or people because we love them more than God. We begin to idolize when we forget how great God is and the things He does.

4. TEACHING - God is always trying to teach you something, but you learn based on how well you listen.

5. GODLY THOUGHTS - We try to figure out God or something God intends for His people, but we cannot muster up these thoughts on our own. Our thoughts are just puny human thoughts. We have to ask for thoughts that are not our own, things we could not possibly think up ourselves.

6. LIKE A CHILD - Most of you know I never want to grow up. I love being a kid. I still love chocolate milk, as well as camp, Transformers, forts, laughing at fart jokes, singing Backstreet Boys, and doing the part in Marvelous Light where you have to lift your hands and spin around. I’ve realized once I’ve grown up (well sort of) that we take life too seriously; and now that we’re grown up we’re supposed to have it all together, and when we don’t, we perceive ourselves to be inadequate and a failure. Adults have to have everything under control. They have to be the strong ones for other weaklings. But Jesus calls us to become like Children. Remember when you first became a Christian and nothing else in the world mattered because it was just you a God and you loved Him and you knew He loved you with everything He had. Sometimes I wish we could be like the Lost Boys in Hook and never grow old. Kids know how to have fun, they know how to trust with everything they've got, they're never hesitant to ask for help, they're not expected to have it all together, they live a simple but fun and extraordinary life, and most of all they don't take life too seriously. Mike Yaconelli, my favorite author, writes a fictional story about Jesus in his book "Dangerous Wonder" (which I highly recommend) that I think hits pretty close to the character of Jesus....

"Jesus and the disciples were all in the river taking baths when the beloved disciple, John, reaches down to the floor of the river and brings up a huge mud pie. Preoccupied with their washing, none of the disciples notices. John takes careful aim at his favorite target, Peter. SPLET! The mud pie strikes Peter in the face. John immediately ducks underwater as though he is scrubbing. Peter reaches for his own mud pie, takes careful aim at Matthew, and lets it fly. WHAM! James wastes no time responding with his own mud pie, and soon bedlam breaks out amongst the disciples. A full-fledged mud fight is under way. Philip and Bartholomew sneak up on Judas, whom they didn't particularly like anyway, and nail him with two mud pies. Simon the Zealot, who has never been particularly close to John because he thinks he's a wimp, lets loose with a huge mud pie. John ducks and the mud missile hits Jesus right in the middle of His forehead. All the disciples freeze. After a long silence Thomas leans over to Simon and says, "You idiot! You just hit the Son of God with a mud pie... He'll turn us into turtles!" Jesus gazes slowly at each of the disciples, each one fearing the worst. With a knowing smile, Jesus stops when He sees Simon, who refuses to look in Jesus' eyes. Jesus reaches down into the mud and comes up with a very large mud pie and - BAM! - Simon is hit squarely on the top of his head, and as the mud slithers down his face, everyone, including Jesus, breaks into laughter."

These things, among others, are what God has been teaching me and I hope you are listening because I promise you He is always wanting to teach you something new.