After being single for almost six years, thoughts of inadequacy start to creep in. I start to figure, "If no one wants to be with me, this must mean something is wrong with me." While I know this isn't true, I can't help but feel this way from time to time. But I don't write this to throw a pity party, I write this to speak truth into all of the lives that I know have felt the same at one point or another. God calls us to a lifestyle and perspective much bigger than this. There are a few things I want to clear up.
1. Graduating from a Christian College single does NOT mean there is something wrong with you (although "ring by spring or your money back" would get rid of a lot of my loan debt). It just means you have to be a little more patient, or a lot more patient. There is this feeling that our chances of finding someone slim drastically after college. I would just like to say that there are a lot more Christians in the world than just your tiny community. I feel this idea seems to passively be pushed onto people. Just wanted to get it out of the way.
2. It's about more than just YOU. God's been opening my eyes to his design for this type of relationship. People want and need companionship. That's normal and healthy. But it's about more than just companionship, it's about building a life together that is free to live out our passions. It's about being with someone that will challenge you in your everyday walk with God, someone that makes you a better person, someone that makes you feel alive. This is what God designed for us, for His Body. Anberlin does a great song called, "Time and Confusion" and they put it this way...
It's not about the money we make
It's about the passions that we ache for
What makes your heart beat faster
Tell me now what does your body long after
I don't care where we live
It's not where or what, it's who we are with
I just need you in my life
Being paired with a person that compliments your personality as well as your passions is like a puzzle. And it gets crazier considering we, in our early 20s, are still trying to figure out who we want to become and what our passions are. God understands us and our needs better than we ever could. We can work in our timing, or in God's. There is so much pressure lifted from us if we choose to wait for God's timing. The truth is, if we give God the control in this area of our lives, He will work in it! Just because you might still be single doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, it just means that God is probably still creating you into the person your spouse needs you to be, or vice versa. Our God is a BIG God and understands far better than we ever could when the time is right and who the right person is. If we let Him, God could make our future relationship the way He originally created it to be.
3. You can start loving your husband/wife before you meet them. What you do now has a lasting effect on your future relationships. It makes me so sad to see people settle just because they can't play the waiting game. They give away what doesn't belong to that person. It's not their to have. This idea of patience is strong in the Bible in Song of Solomon. The woman here says multiple times, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." Love is to be waited for, pondered, and harvested at just the right time. Brooke Fraiser in "Love Is Waiting" says, "...and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start, neither should I rush my way into your heart... I'll give it time, give it space, be still for a spell. When it's time to walk that way we wanna walk it well." You can start respecting and loving your husband/wife before you even meet them by praying for them and saving everything for them, because it doesn't belong to anyone else.
I know all this is quite cheesy and mushy, but ya know... it's not like it's something we don't think about. And more importantly, I believe it's an area of our life that God cares a lot about how we live it. And as followers of Jesus, we need to set a higher standard for ourselves. So don't put yourself in the defective category if you're still single, put yourself in the "waiting for better things" category.
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